Turkish Riviera I - All Inclusive, Guilt Extra

I've never been on an all-inclusive package holiday before, it's just not the type of holiday we did as a family when I was young. That was more the get in a car, drive somewhere in Europe, stay in an self-catered cottage, then probably do some hill walking and see some local historical sights, kind of a holiday. Since doing holidays without my parents my instinct has always been to try and visit somewhere new, and often the further away, the better. With young children that's not such a good holiday.

The children aren't interested in seeing historical sights, everything is new to them. They want a playground or something to splash in; it doesn't matter if it's around the corner or in South East Asia. So this summer we decided to do a holiday with just the four of us, no visiting any relatives along the way. So we picked somewhere sunny, to have the easiest and relaxing holiday we could - picking an all inclusive package in a family friendly resort on the Turkish Riviera to ensure good weather¹.

So was it relaxing? About as much as you can expect with two young children, which is less than we'd hoped, but more than in other holidays. The resort itself was nice, most of the rooms are in little apartment buildings set in green and well kept gardens. There were different pools for different ages, water slides and also a strip of beach where you could play in the waves. The main restaurant had interesting food options each day, so you could go and take what you wanted, allowing the children to pick their favourite three course option of dessert, dessert and dessert.

This meant the day's biggest stress was working out in which order to go to the pool, and how many free Fantas the children were allowed to drink before the sugar gave them so much nervous energy that they vibrated themselves to pieces.

Sadly my mind is not great at relaxing, and it soon started to list things I should feel guilty about while on holiday. The waste of water in keeping the gardens green, when it could be better used for growing food. The expense of the whole holiday, when we should be saving it. The vast amounts of food in the restaurant that probably went uneaten².

The worst guilt came with letting the children use the Kids' Club for an afternoon. The choice was theirs, Child A did it one day while Child B was having an afternoon nap, as they liked the sound of the activities they offered. The next day Child B felt they'd missed out, and A went back to finish some colouring from the first day. That's only a tiny fraction of the time we were on holiday, one and a half afternoons, not quite three hours each time. They had fun; the club had toys that we couldn't fit in our luggage and they could glue and make some clouds with colourful rain/jellyfish with multicoloured tentacles (what these creations really are is disputed).

The guilt builds on my long standing fear that our children spend too much time in nursery, and not with us, their parents. The reasons are predictable and understandable: we both work, even if we've reduced our hours to spend more time with them, but it means we're busy during most of the workday.

I also don't think that nursery is bad for them. They get to do other activities we can't do at home, they get to make friends and socialise away from adults. Even if they were are home the entire time, I'd feel like I'd run out of ideas of how to entertain them pretty quickly, and you'd have to organise play dates etc. So these are all good reasons why it's fine - but the guilt remains, and that's only for me as a father. Mothers probably feel it even more acutely, as in the recent past the pattern was for mothers to stay at home and raise the children, while the fathers went to work killing mammoths for exactly 8 hours a day before sitting in the prehistoric version traffic; or whatever other activity can apparently only be done by men.

So they went to the Kids' Club and were happy with their choice. We got to lie down and not do anything for a couple of hours, and I hope that being less tired made me nicer to be around than I otherwise might have been. But one afternoon 'off' was all my conscience would let me take - even if they'd asked to go again, I don't think I could have let them.

So it's clear that not used to do nothing, but that's really the aim of an all inclusive holiday, that you don't have to worry about anything and so can do nothing. You're effectively putting yourself into a nursery; eating, drinking and entertainment is provided - and sometimes there's even the chance of a nap. I have to learn to be better at relaxing; try for a little bit not to worry, or feel guilty, about anything, but that seems hard for me to do, even only for a short time.